My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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