Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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