what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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