i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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