I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize