Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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