I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
