there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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