false alarm. still invincible.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
