I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
