In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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