I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
