I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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