Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
