So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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