You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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