i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
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I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
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No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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