Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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