I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The power of my boobs compel you
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
