Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
