i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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