I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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