Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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