this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
