Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
