it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
