Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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