I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
