Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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