There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
