i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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