I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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