He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
