I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He passed out mid-signature
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
