Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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