I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
