sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
