After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
