I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
