I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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