You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize