We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
