I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
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Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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