I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
