He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
