In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
