nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
