I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
