My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
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I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize