Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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