This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
