doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
