I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He keeps bees of course he's weird
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
