brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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