Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
