we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
