Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
