i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
time to smoke my breakfast
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
