@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
