I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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