I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
